Tag Archives: lists

A brief list of things that have made me happy recently.


Hello, I am a bear. Here is a brief list of things that have made me quite happy recently:

  • Sticks
  • Water
  • When I can see the moon and the sun at the same time and they are not fighting as I would otherwise expect
  • Naming trees
  • Taking back the names I have given trees because I am not sure if they already have names, and it seems rude to simply assume
  • A very tall bird I saw
  • The sky not getting any closer or farther away but instead just staying right where it has always been
  • Not knowing how many frogs there are (what a mystery that will remain)
  • Having a good idea of how many of me there are (just the one, I believe)
  • (but what if there is another one of me somewhere?)
  • (and I don’t know that one of me?)
  • (and that me is just walking about the forest, looking for a version of himself)
  • (and we are just wandering the forest, not finding what we think we need to find and also not knowing if we even can find what we think we need to find)
  • (oh no, this list has gotten sad, this is a very upsetting idea)
  • (I need to refocus this list and share another thing that made me happy recently)
  • Mud
  • (that was not very good as I like mud, but I have not had any happy experiences with mud recently)
  • More sticks
  • (I am still stuck on this possible wandering version of me who is aimlessly trudging throughout the forest, hoping to get even the slightest glimpse of me, the other bear that this bear might be, this is so upsetting to me)
  • Some berries I ate
  • (maybe if I leave some berries near my cave they will attract the other bear, giving this bear a sign that I am another bear waiting to meet him or maybe he will simply eat them and walk away)
  • The smell of my paws
  • Sleeping

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? The newest adventure is all about safety!

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on Facebook.

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A list of things that I at first thought were against me but were not.


Here is a list of things that I at first thought were against me but were not:

  • Wind (I think it is actually against everyone, not just me)
  • Flying leaves (further investigation led me to realize that this is just the wind and, again, the wind is really after everyone)
  • Flying debris (see: wind, flying leaves)
  • Birds (I often interpret their whistles and fast flying as a kind of mocking, but I think that is just how they are: fast flying whistlers)
  • The sun (I do not think it is personal)
  • Squirrels (up for debate, however)
  • Humans (they might be shouting at me because they are excited to see me, not because they hate me?)
  • The rabbit skeleton I accidentally swallowed (this was my fault, rabbit skeleton)
  • Ants (those bites could just be aggressive hugs, there is no way to tell)
  • The deer across the river (wait)
  • No, not the deer across the river (but I really should at least try…)
  • Okay, the deer across the river (but then again, those horrible hacking sounds he emits from his tiny mouthed face are so awful and filled with so much negativity and hatred)
  • Okay, no, not the deer across the river (but what has he really done to me?)
  • Fine, the deer across the river (no, wait, he knows what he did)
  • Never mind, scratch the deer across the river (wait, wait, just do it, what harm could come out of forgiving that vile beast and moving on with my life?)
  • The deer across the river (…)
  • Clouds (I assume they are moving that quickly because they have somewhere important to go and not because they want to spite me)
  • My cave, for its occasional lack of heat (it is not your fault, cave)
  • My claws (I am sure they did not mean to scratch me to intensely that one time I had an itch on my belly)
  • Okay, I just cannot do this, I cannot add the deer across the river to this list, it just is not fair, he does not deserve further consideration or forgiveness, he deserves to stay at the river his disgusting hooves and malformed antlers, I simply cannot add the deer across the river to this list
  • But I should…
  • Fine…
  • The deer across the river

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? 

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on Facebook.

How to find, approach, and handle human caves.

human cave (2)

How to find, approach, and handle human caves:

  • Begin by finding where a human smell is coming from (dumpsters are good places to start)
  • Follow human smell (again, dumpsters and humans have many aromas in common)
  • Once a human smell is pinpointed, assess the area
  • You will likely see a large structure made out of rocks or mutilated trees, these are human caves
  • Instead of being inside of something like most caves, human caves have many sides, making finding an entrance difficult
  • Follow the sides of the human cave until you happen upon a more decorated mutilated tree (humans probably hate trees (there is no way to tell why (maybe trees did something mean to them)))
  • Begin scratching, clawing, biting, pressing heaviest side of body against the decorated mutilated tree
  • Repeat until decorated mutilated tree is ajar or
  • I broke the decorated mutilated tree
  • I hope the humans do not mind
  • Upon entering a human cave, begin searching for more smells similar to dumpsters
  • These smells are generally found in another tiny cave that is cold and kept inside the human cave (a cave within a cave)
  • Repeat decorated mutilated tree process to second tiny cave to gain entrance
  • Once tiny cave inside large human cave is here, begin eating things that are causing dumpster smells and all other smells that are also interesting to you
  • Ignore the sounds of aggressive stepping as you continue eating from the tiny second cave, they probably belong to a jealous raccoon
  • Ow
  • Please
  • Stop throwing things at me
  • Please
  • Ow
  • Ouch
  • Ooooooo
  • My ears
  • Please
  • That thing was pointy
  • Begin to leave the premises of the second tiny cave if a human seems aggravated by your perusal of it
  • Sit on this comfortable, lumpy soft thing instead
  • Ow
  • Please
  • Humans do not like it when you sit on their comfortable lumpy things either
  • Consider leaving the human cave upon the appearance of humans
  • Why
  • I am leaving, please stop
  • Ow
  • Try to fix the mutilated decorated tree you broke when you entered the human cave
  • It seems very heavy
  • Ow
  • Humans might hit you with more and different types of mutilated trees (pole one with straws on it hurts)
  • Try to reason with humans if they get too hostile
  • Why would they keep throwing things at me when I am simply trying to explain to them that I did not mean to break their mutilated decorated tree entrance
  • Consider complimenting the humans for having a cave that smells like a dumpster (very high praise)
  • Ouch
  • The last thing they threw sounded sharp
  • Leave
  • Leave the human cave
  • They clearly do not want you there
  • They are running after you
  • Run
  • Go back to your cave and sleep on the collection of mold covered rocks you have that do not smell like a dumpster but are still very nice to be around
  • Do not approach or handle or even find human caves

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? 

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on the book of faces.

What are the best things in the forest?

There are so many things in the forest. Some are terrifying (shadows, bees, loud sounds, the flat black rock). Some are horrible (deer across the river). Most, however, are terrific (napping, caves, trees, grass, the moon, the sky, rain, smells, creatures who are nice, dumpsters, abandoned campsites, fish, the river, leaves, sticks, logs, tree stumps, berries, sounds).

With so many wonderful things to experience and enjoy in the forest, I like to sometimes think about what some of the best things in the forest are. I decided to make a list of the best things the forest has to offer. I narrowed everything down to just five:

5: Water

Water is wonderful. You can drink it. You can soak your fur in it. You can swim in it. Fish live in it. You can feel its cool streams rushing through your individual hairs as you shake to dry after a nice dip.

Water is so refreshing. It makes you feel better when you feel tired. It can also make you drown. I once saw a raccoon floating in the river and when I asked the raccoon why it was floating and whether or not that was a fun thing to do it did not respond and its nose was in the water and when I realized what was happening I panicked and splashed and thrashed in the water and tried to run but I stumbled and fell in a deeper part of the river and I thought I would end up like the raccoon so I thrashed more and more and escaped.

4: Trees

Tall. Majestic. Wise. These are just a few words that you could use to describe the presence of trees in the forest. The forest is practically defined by the presence of trees, and you can learn so much from them.

Creatures live in trees. I once tried to live in a tree. I fell out, but that was not the tree’s fault. It was my fault for being too large for the tree branch I climbed, and when I landed, I did not see the raccoon who was beneath me. Was the raccoon like that before I fell? Did I cause how it ended up? I am so sorry, raccoon. Please forgive me.

3: The wind

The only thing that feels better running through your fur than water is the wind. It carries your spirit just as quickly as it carries the leaves and the debris of the forest. The wind cannot hurt anything. Nothing can be hurt by the wind. The wind is so very nice. Unless it could knock a raccoon out of a tree? Is that possible? Can the wind be that strong? No, of course not.

2: Sitting in a tree, protecting a raccoon you just met

This raccoon will be absolutely fine forever. I will sit in this tree for as long as I need to sit in this tree to make sure the wind does not affect this raccoon’s life in any manner. This raccoon will be safe.

1: This raccoon I just met

Please stop hissing at me. I am here to protect you. Please. Oh no, the wind. Please. No.

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? 

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on the book of faces.

raccoonsaved  (2)

Here is a list of things to figure out at night.

night thinking (2)

A list of things to figure out at night:

  • Stars
  • Buzzing sounds
  • Dumpster mysteries
  • Opossum activities
  • Darkness of cave
  • Skinny trees emitting light
  • What crickets are up to
  • Why this skinny tree has some black lines coming from it
  • Maybe climb the skinny tree
  • Why there are so many metal splinters in this skinny tree
  • Where the moon goes
  • Where the sun goes
  • Keep climbing the skinny tree
  • Why nobody really fishes at night
  • Oh, it is hard to see the fish
  • You figured out the last one
  • That was a nice revelation
  • Get to the top of the skinny tree emitting light that has lots of tiny metal splinters on it
  • Why the night air smells better than the day air
  • Why it is not night all the time
  • Why it is not day all the time
  • Can you bite the black lines
  • Are they tree branches
  • Why is the grass wet in the morning
  • Why are you not covered in water in the morning
  • Raccoon activities
  • What tastes best at night
  • Not this black skinny tree limb that you are afraid to bite
  • But then again how would you know
  • Bite it maybe
  • It looks scary
  • Maybe do not bite it
  • Do not bite the skinny black limb of the skinny tree that emits light and has many metal splinters on it
  • Is this where the buzzing sounds are coming from
  • Why it is so easy to lose your balance at night
  • And fall
  • Out
  • of
  • the
  • skinny
  • tree
  • that
  • emits
  • light
  • and
  • has
  • many
  • tiny
  • sharp
  • metal
  • splinters
  • ow
  • Do not try to figure things out at night
  • Just sleep
  • It is not worth the risk

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? 

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

Also, why not go see/listen to a song created by Emeric Viani inspired by the things Bear says/thinks:

I would like some more friends.

friend list (2)

I wish I had more friends. Despite its diverse inhabitants, the forest can be quite lonely. Especially at night, when all I can hear are crickets in the distance, chirping their songs. I could venture out to greet them, perhaps ask how their evenings are going or swap twig-soup recipes, but we all know crickets have notoriously short tempers and are quick to profane tirades regarding the value of their non-musical legs. I harbor no ill will toward them, but crickets are simply not friend material for someone like me.

I have been reviewing possible friendship candidates in the forest for the past few days. Rob (the squirrel) reluctantly helped me. He commented, however, that his squirrel feelings were hurt. He felt that he was more than enough friend for me. I had to explain to Rob (the squirrel) that our relationship would not change. We would still share acorns and he could sleep in my fur on chilly nights, but I needed to explore options. I needed more companions in my life. Surely there is a badger or an owl or a deer (well, maybe not a deer) out there who shares common interests with me. Someone I could confide in and with whom I could make new memories. Rob (the squirrel) responded to this line of thinking by hurling an acorn at my eye and hissing at me. He can be strange.

After much deliberation, I complied a short list of potential friends. They are the following:

  • Susan (the rabbit)
  • Franklyn (the stray tabby cat missing an ear)
  • Bernard (the opossum)
  • A red bird I saw
  • A bunch of napkins I found in a dumpster
  • Some sleeping bags I left dirt in once
  • Ants?
  • Not snakes

Rob (the squirrel) looked over the list. With an unimpressed scoff, he gave me a grimace and ran up a tree, leaving me alone to wonder which name jotted in the dirt near my cave insulted him. I would bet on Bernard. Or maybe that red bird I saw. I suppose it did not matter, though it is not great to see Rob (the squirrel) have hurt feelings. He does not take rejection (or any negative feeling for that matter) very well.

As I stared at the names on the list, something occurred to me: perhaps they can all be my friend. In fact, could not every creature and object I meet (except for the deer by the river and he knows why) be my friend? Elated, I chewed on my paws for a moment before running out into the forest to proclaim our friendship.

On my way to find a clearing (somewhere with soft grass and optimal sunlight) another revelation struck me. If anything and everything can be a friend, then can we not be friends? You, reading this right now, can we be friends?

I am a bear. What are you? Whatever you are, would you like to be my friend? You can still continue being a whatever you are. Being my friend should not change that (I think). I will give you time to think about it. If you decide you want to be my friend, feel free to etch your name in the dirt near my cave. If you do not know how to spell your name, please just leave a checkmark. I will get the point.

But if one of you is the deer across the river, do not leave your name, hoof print, or antler debris anywhere near my cave. If you try to leave any markings, they will be deleted from the dirt. If you try to poke the dirt with a stick, the indentation will be ignored. Even if you are friends with Rob (the squirrel) on his cave dirt (and I am pretty sure he has his own) and he vouches for you, we will not be friends. Never. You are not my friend, and I am not your friend.

As for everyone else, I would love to be your friend. While I wait for your friend approvals, I will roll around in the sun-baked grass. So please, take your time, friends. I know I will.

I am a bear.

You can read more bear thoughts by clicking the words you are currently reading.