Hello, I am a bear. I like to answer questions about being a bear sometimes. Thank you for reading, and I hope you learn more about bears, the forest, and other topics. (Also, if you wish to see them, I have answered other questions in the past).
Q:
A:
I would like to wear a hat that compliments my ears and/or nose in some way. I once wore a bird as a hat and it did not go well. The bird was not complimentary in any way… unless cawing loudly and pecking my face is how birds give compliments.
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A:
Thank you. It is nice to be loved. Or even liked. Or even not eaten on a regular basis, which is something I feel like we should appreciate more. Also, I love you, too. I am a bear.
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A:
Because I am a bear?
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A:
This is truly difficult to answer. Both furriness and fluffiness have their benefits and very few drawbacks. At the end of the day, I would have to say that being furry is slightly better than being fluffy, though. Fur keeps you warm when it is cold outside. Fluff, while aesthetically pleasing, makes it difficult to fit in certain unwatched garbage cans.
Q:
A:
No.
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One of two things is happening here: either these bears are engaging in an ancient ritual that will awaken a slumbering terror that has not roamed the forest in a millennia OR they are having a birthday party. Either is plausible. Both involve dumpster bread and dancing.
A:
Sometime clouds get very upset and water falls from the sky. I wish I understood more about this phenomenon, but I can tell you that rain is wet. It can be warm or cold. It turns dirt into mud, which is very nice on hot days. It also makes everything soggy, which is good and bad depending on what gets soggy (fur: bad, dirt: good [see: mud]).
Q:
A:
I cannot speak for all bears, but I often dream about the following:
- Trees
- Squirrels
- The sky
- Falling
- Falling from the sky
- Oh, no, why am I falling?
- Embarrassing moments
- Marshmallows
- Naps
- The slow-creeping existential dread that haunts my mind and leaves me breathless when I wake up screaming
- Sticks
- I do not like falling
- Rocks
Q:
A:
Yes. Yes. But I still like them.
Q:
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Rabbit skeletons appear to be all the same until you really start to dig into the details of each one. Of course, that is part of the fun of collecting them. Also, you can chew on them, which is very nice.
Q:
A:
In regard to -ness: I do not think anyone can define your -ness other than you. If somebody tries to define your -ness, it is no longer your -ness as it becomes their -ness, which is a completely different -ness that is not you.
In regard to chipness: Most chips I find are covered in some kind of dumpster sauce, so they are never crunchy. They always taste good, though.
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The forest is indifferent no matter how much you want it to not be. Sometimes that is good. Sometimes that is bad.
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Bread. Bread is amazing and soft but also crunchy? I do not know how bread does it, but it does. It is very hard to find, and when I do find it, it is usually being eaten by rats or birds, but when I can get a single piece of bread for me and just me, it is an absolutely wonderful moment. I love bread.
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I think you can obtain an any kind of -ness no matter who or what you are as any -ness is who or what you are if that makes sense. I do not know. I am a bear.
Q:
A:
I do not know what that is, but when I do not want something to fall, I do not do the following:
- Leave it near an unsteady edge
- Drop it
- Let it down
Q:
A:
I do not know because I have never been an anything else, but when I see how hard ants work on a daily basis, I begin to think being a bear is probably easier than being an ant.
Q:
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This is very confusing but also fuzzy, which is good.
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A:
He knows what he did, and I do not think there is any need to discuss the matter beyond that. He knows.
Q:
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It is very nice. It is fuzzy and soft and wavy and makes me feel confident and nice. It also contributes to the magnificence of my ears.
Q:
A:
Yes, but only in pieces, and it hurts.
Q:
A:
There is no one way to be a bear or to be or have or obtain a -ness of any kind. Developing that -ness is a personal journey that is long and difficult and confusing and has sidetracks and naps, but it is an important journey because it is who you are.
Q:
A:
- The ones with prickly leaves
- The dumpster ones
- The other dumpster ones
- The ones with lots of dirt
- The purple ones
Q:
A:
Yes, thank you for asking.
Q:
A:
At least one (me, I am a bear).
Q:
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Probably the easiest way to be a bear is to be a bear, but you can also pretend to be a bear by pretending to be a bear. Anybody can do it.
Q:
A:
I live in the forest.
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A:
I do not know if I am qualified to answer that question, but I do know the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one.
Q:
A:
I do not have a hat, but if I did and a rabbit stole it, I would not do much because rabbits are very fast and small and can hide, so I would probably try to rationalize me losing my hat to the rabbit by telling myself that the rabbit needed the hat more than I did, but I would secretly be very upset about losing my hat.
Q:
A:
Not particularly. I do know sticks come in a variety of shapes, but I cannot qualify them. I am a bear.
Thank you for reading this Q&A. I hope you got to know more about me, being a bear, the forest, and other things. If you asked me a question but I did not answer it, I am sorry and I will try harder next time.
Thank you.
If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? The newest adventure is all about safety!
For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com
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