Here is how you can tell you are a bear ghost and what you can do about it if you are:
- Examine your surroundings
- Ensure that your surroundings are as you generally perceive them on a regular basis
- If your surroundings seem as you generally perceive them, you are not a ghost bear
- If your surroundings seem strange or hazy or difficult to understand or leave you with a feeling like you have done something wrong that you deserve to face and understand, then ascertain that you are in your normal environment
- If you are not in your normal environment, the feelings mentioned previously might happen regardless of your state of ghostism (example: you might just feel bad because you woke up in a dumpster again)
- If you are in your normal environment and still feel the feelings mentioned previously then you must examine yourself
- If seeing your paws/fur/belly make you feel the same kind of dread mentioned previously regarding your environment, then your level of ghostliness is becoming very evident
- I made these rules up
- I made them up because I really do not know how to understand being a ghost and sometimes I think I might be a ghost
- I mean, I do not think being a ghost might be all that bad
- But I also do not know for sure that ghosts even exist
- Maybe they do not
- But maybe they do?
- Oh no, I have no idea
- I started this with such confidence, and I was certain that I knew what I was describing, but I really do not
- I have no idea what to do or say here
- I have to try again
- If you are a ghost, you can do things to help you not be a ghost
- Try not being a ghost?
- That makes no sense and works for nothing else
- You cannot just stop being a bear, you are always a bear
- I am a bear
- I am not a ghost
- I am really certain of it
- Now I am afraid that you do not believe me
- I promise you I am not a ghost
- Now I am more afraid of not being believed about my ghostism than I am of actually being a ghost
- I mean, if I am a ghost, then I do not mind being a ghost because I like being the whatever thing I happen to be right now
- But maybe being a ghost is actually terrible and I do not know because I am not a ghost
- I do not want to be a ghost
- Unless I am one already
I hope these instructions have helped you determine whether or not you are a ghost, and if you are a ghost, I hope you have more guidance for your general existence.
If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site?
For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: email@example.com
You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on the book of faces.
Ghosts are nice. They try to help people and things. You don’t understand them. You are, from the looks of it, and always will be, a bear.
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