Product Review: A thing I found in the dumpster near the fence with the hole in it that I fit in.

I recently found a thing in the dumpster near the fence with the hole in it that I fit in. It was a circular black wiry thing with one covered end and one open end. It had some metal cutouts of what I probably look like from a very far away distance. It also had some metal cutouts of trees and some pointy things. It looked like this thing here. I have no idea what this thing is or what it is for, but it seems like a very interesting thing, and I like it.

I wanted to figure out the ins and outs of this thing that I found and whether or not this thing that I found was a good thing that I found or a bad thing that I found. To do this, I decided to put this thing that I found through a number of crucial tests, rating its performance on those tests out of a five (or however many I can find at the time) leaves. I put the thing I found through three stress tests: sitability (how well I can sit on this thing I found), lickability (how well this thing I found can be licked (taste, texture, chewiness, etc.)), and collectability (how much I want to keep this thing I found in my cave as a wonderful prize to be treasured forever). I also gave the thing I found an overall leaf rating at the end.

Test 1: Sitability (how well I can sit on this thing I found)

This thing I found has a few different ways to be sat upon. Like I said when I described it, it has two ends: one with an opening and one that is closed off. It also has the roundness of the metal wiry bits and cutouts connecting the two ends. That gave this thing I found three potential sitting areas.

Unfortunately, out of the three potential sitting places, only one was even remotely pleasant. The opened end provided no comfort or support, and I actually got stuck inside the thing I found, which was not fun and actually very scary. The rounded side with the metal wires and cutouts was far too lopsided and rolly for me to get any good sitting out of it. It actually slipped out from under me many times while I tried to sit on it. The closed end did provide an interesting sitting spot for quite some time, but the position I had to sit in while utilizing this side eventually strained my front legs and back.

Overall, the thing I found was not a great thing to sit on. Perhaps the forest did not design it to be sat upon, but it is not often I find something that I cannot sit on.

Sitability rating: 3 leaves out of 5

Leaf rating (2)

Test 2: Lickability (how well this thing I found can be licked) 

All things have tastes. This is an indisputable fact about the forest and everything within it. Not all things have lovely tastes, though. What about the thing I found in the dumpster by the fence with the hole in it that I can fit in? How does this particular thing taste and how well can it be licked by me or any other willing forest creature?

I spent quite some time licking the metal wired thing I found. It tasted okay, but it also tasted like nothing in particular. If it reminded me of anything, I would have to say it tasted like rocks. Not exactly like rocks, but very much like rocks. Its texture, however, was actually quite interesting. The thing I found is very smooth and a little slick, so my tongue glided right over it with every lick, shining the metal bits of wire and cutouts as I did. Unfortunately, the thing I found is definitely not chewable. I tried. It hurt my teeth.

Lickability rating: I could only find 3 really good leaves, so out of that many leaves, maybe 2 and a half? So I bit one of the leaves in half to show that.

Leaf rating (3)

Test 3: Collectability (how much I want to keep this thing I found in my cave as a wonderful prize to be treasured forever)

This thing I found is definitely one of the more interesting things I have ever found. Who knew I could get a chance to lick tiny metal cutouts of what I probably look like from a very faraway distance? That is a very unique experience, so of course, I felt a need to bring it back to my cave and keep it with me forever. Unfortunately, while carrying it up a particularly steep hill to get back to my cave, I accidentally dropped the thing I found and it rolled down the hill. I ran after it, but it was very fast and I had to slow down because going that fast down a hill is very scary. I lost the thing I found. It rolled into some unknown depth of the forest that surely needed the thing I found more than I did. There was also an owl staring at me from the direction the thing I found rolled toward, and I am pretty sure the owl was very angry at me and I did not want to risk upsetting the owl any further, so I gave up my search for the thing I found. But I definitely would have wanted to keep it in my cave for a very long time.

Collectability rating: I found a pile of leaves, so I am going to rate it an entire pile of leaves out of an entire pile of leaves.

Leaf rating (4)

Overall rating: Two piles of leaves, and I only found one pile of leaves so I had to make up one new pile of leaves just to make this rating happen, so really, the overall rating is one pile of leaves and one imaginary pile of leaves.

Leaf rating (5)

I am a bear.

If you would like to try being a bear, why not read some of the bear adventures available on this very site? 

For any questions or comments directed at Bear, feel free to write to him using this email: justasinglebear@gmail.com

You can also now use Tumblr to address questions to Bear. Also, you can find bear photos and such on Bear’s Instagram, and don’t forget to “like” Bear on the book of faces.

For more information about the thing Bear found for this post, please visit Black Forest Decor. This lovely company puts all kinds of great forest creatures on things you might use in your human cave house. Unfortunately, most of these things are not great to sit on or lick. So if you are looking for things to lick or to sit on that feature various forest creatures (and who isn’t?) maybe try another place.

PS

Please look at this bear thing that @lirien made. It talks what Bear talks:

 

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